Batman is Phat man!

I saw Batman this weekend. NEWS FLASH! - BATMAN WAS TRAINED BY NINJA! And I didn’t know. How kewl is that?

And not the good dictator-assasinating-freedom-fighter Ninja kind either. Like Leonardo, Donatello and Michaelangelo. These were sinister, agro, meeeaaan Ninja. Just like you find here:
Worlds best Ninja Website . But Batman rises above man, oh yes he does, because he has intergrity, style and brains. Thank goodness they didn’t use Tom Cruise as Batman, imagine the hold that evil vigilante murderous Ninja would have had on someone retarded enough to become a scientologist. We’d all be done for…

But, I gotta tell you this movie has everything. Awesome imagery, an interesting bad guy, cool gadgets, cars, caves, bullet-proof underwear and angry Ninja. There really is no space for anything else. Except maybe a scene where Batman won’t give Katie the remote, or something else equally as manly that guys like us can actually do ourselves and then feel a little like batman in some way. A slightly incontinuous plot however. We all know batmans parents were killed by the joker as seen in previous movies. *By the way if you’re gonna watch the movie and didn’t know that batmans parents were killed in an alley way by a mugger that turned out to be Jack Nicholson (the joker) - don’t read that last line (or this one). It was also difficult trying to follow the extra close up fight scenes. Oh and of course there’s always the retarding effect that the Bat mask has on Christian Bales face. Unfortunate, it seems ok when he’s not talking but as soon as he opens his mouth he does look like he’s been kicked in the face by angry Ninja one too many times. Yes, yes enough about the Ninja I know. I also think that his batshorts are too tight as indicated by the extreme gruff painful sound in his voice when he puts his getup on. It’s either that or he’s trying to sound more manly to cover up the fact that he’s wearing tights. Either way, it’s not too distracting and Batman is still a KICKING movie. I look forward to the sequel which is Katie Homeless due to her Scientology/Tom Cruise distraction/self-destruction. However I do hope that the sequel contains more modern day characters that we can relate to that are equally as sinister and deserving of a chronic face pounding. People i’d like to see batman fighting next:
Bob Mugabe
That Afrikaans guy that reads the SABC 2 news (coz he’s been around so long and looks so exactly the same that he must be a robot)
Paris Hilton
George W
Oprah
Ben Afleck
Frodo

Go see this movie now. But not before Mr and Mrs Smith…