The World

Bird flu is Spanish flu

28 Oct 2005  •  Written by Dale

Spanish flu killed 50M people before it finally disappeared from planet earth. Under close inspection it has been found that Bird flu IS actually the Spanish flu. With a few variations. How do we know this?

Well, by analysing tissue samples from WW1 soldiers and comparing them with that of Eskimo’s dug out from deep within the Alaskan permafrost, scientists have been able to connect the 2.

An interesting variation to the story goes like this:
Spanish flu had worked itself off the planet leaving 50M people dead in it’s wake. Mankind could rest knowing that the deadly virus would never be seen again. Or perhaps not… One day far into the future meddling scientists would learn how to extract the human genome from tissue samples. By toying with DNA they could understand and even recreate many things. Even grow ears and other human skin on the backs of rats. Upon finding a lung from a WW1 soldier and a Popskemo (frozen inuit) they would RECREATE a deadly virus known as Spanish flu… Risky business indeed.

Then there is a permeatation even within this version. A story, within a story, if you would.

A. Thinking that the recreated virus was contained the scientists throw a party at their lab and among the guests are flight attendants, juggling midgets and a few well known chickens. Somehow exposed to the virus the chickens take it home and spread it. Well, maybe that’s just my version but the true story basically suggests that the virus escaped and brought us to our current state. Red Alert.

B. Scientists recreated the Spanish Flu and posted the recipe on the internet for all to see. One day while searching for revenge on the internet, the guy at the back of your class that everybody beat up on and mocked because he smelled like goats cheese slapped together a quick formula in his basement and went to County Fair for a visit. (phew, long sentence.)

Good work boys, I want hand written apology letters from all of you to each of the predicted 40 million people you just killed. In their mother tongue.

Whatever you choose to believe, many have argued that even if these stories aren’t true, the risk of another epidemic of Spanish flu should have been far to great for scientists to mess with in the first place.

An interesting fact about the survivors of Spanish flu version 1.0 is that they used Cinnamon. I know right??? But when panic strikes, anything seems like a good idea. So if you can get your hands on some Cinnamon drops now, I’d suggest you do, that is, before they triple in price like our friend Tamiflu.


One Response to Bird flu is Spanish flu

  1. I’m going with option B. ‘Cause not much is made of the fact that ol’ goatie, as we used to call him, went on to become a cheerleader at Harvard. There went his self-esteem! Now it’s payback time!

    Justin Thought  •  26 April 2009 5:48 am

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