Of Vaseline, Divorce and Flights

Vaseline

A man doing market research knocked on a door and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running around at her feet.

He says, “I’m doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?”

She says, “Yes. My husband and I use it all the time.”

“And if you don’t mind me asking, what do you use it for?”

“We use it for sex.”

The researcher was a little taken back.

“Usually people lie to me and say that they use it on a child’s bicycle chain or to help with a gate hinge. But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex. I admire you for your honesty. Since you’ve been frank so far, can you tell me exactly how you use it for sex?”

The woman says, “I don’t mind telling you at all… My husband and I put it on the door knob and it keeps the kids out.”

And you thought it was gonna be a dirty joke….

Divorce

A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce. The problem is who should get custody of the child. The wife jumps up and says: “Your Honor, I brought the child into the world with pain and labour. She should be in my custody.”

The judge turns to the husband and says, “What do you have to say in your defence?” The man sits for a while contemplating, then slowly rises. “Your Honour, if I place R5 in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, whose Coke is it - the machine’s or mine?”

Flights

A Priest was seated next to Koos on a flight to Brakpan. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken.

Koos asked for a Rum and Coke, which was brought and placed before him.

The flight attendant then asked the priest if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust: “I’d rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips.”

Koos then handed his drink back to the attendant and said “Me too,I didn’t know we had a choice.”