South African Tourism
These are supposedly real questions asked to the South African Tourism board, and supposedly the actual answers given… Personally, I’m not so sure that A) these questions would actually be asked and B) whether I’d allow my staff to answer people like this guy does…
But its a funny read anyways.
Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send me a list of them in JHB, Cape Town, Knysna and Jeffrey’s Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?
Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in South Africa? (USA)
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific. A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which does not…oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday night in Hillbrow. Come naked.
Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys’ Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is…oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense rattlesnake serum. USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from. All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.
Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.
Funny how this set of questions goes round the internet and gets appropriated by local Tourism Offices. Original one was Australian Tourist Bureau (hence why Austria Choir Boys works - Austria/Australia - get it?)
Didn’t have a laugh like that in ages!. I can easily believe it is true. I have first hand experiences of similar questions.