The Ultimate Guide To University - Part 1

Before we get started with anything too hectic, I thought we’d cover the issues of food at university.
You’re gonna be broke most of the time. When you’re not broke, the last thing you want to be spending your precious drinking money on is food! And as cooking is always the cheaper alternative, I have devised….

THE ONLY FOUR RECIPES YOU’LL EVER NEED TO SURVIVE AS A STUDENT!

Soup
Method.
Fill pan with tap water. Put bits of other stuff in it. Boil

Bolognaise
Method
Follow the recipe for soup, except don’t use water. Substitute with the cheapest tin of tomatoes you can find. Add the cheapest mince you can find. For extra authenticity you can (apparently) add herbs. Boil.

Curry
Method
Follow the recipe for soup, except use less water. Add curry powder. Boil.

Ontoast
Method
Put bread in toaster (or under grill). Turn on toaster (or grill). Wait. Put stuff on it. (Don’t Boil)

THE ONE RECIPE YOU, AS A UNIVERSITY STUDENT, SHOULD NEVER EVER TRY. NEVER. EVER.

Ingredients
Half a teaspoon of salt. Three quarters of a cup of flour. one cup of sugar. 1 slab cooking chocolate. Half a teaspoon of baking powder. Three eggs. Half a cup of butter. Five grams of powdered hash.

Method
Melt the chocolate and butter together, then add the sugar, eggs and hash. Beat the mixture untill creamy. Sift the flour, baking powder and salt together, and then add to the mixture. Pour mixture into a baking tin and bake for 30 min at 200 deg. Remove, allow to cool and cut into small squares. Eat. Giggle.