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Things I Learned from Indiana Jones

• If you throw a whip over any type of overhang, it will stick on the first shot and hold your body weight.
• Nazis are bad.
• Germans are really up on their biblical history.
• Egyptians are surprisingly good sidekicks… and a lot more helpful than little Asian kids.
• Always have a monkey around to eat the fruit before you do.
• Revolvers always beat swords.
• Airplane propellers beat revolvers.
• A solid gold statue weighs as much as two handfuls of sand.
• If you are at a party and someone says “Hey, let’s open up the Ark of the Covenant,” get the hell out of there.
• Never leave your hat behind. Ever.
• Never look down.
• Monkey brains and Jell-O are nearly interchangeable.
• Spiders are okay. Rats? No problem. But snakes…
• X really does mark the spot.
• There’s always another way out.
• Metal Medallion + Open Flame = Cool Looking Hand Scar.
• Geritol and ibuprofen are miracle drugs.