University
Drawing on my own experience, that of my friends, my fondness of campus girls, and stuff I’ve read (actually mostly stuff I’ve read – and seen at the movies), I have compiled…THE ULTIMATE GUIDE TO SURVIVING UNIVERSITY (Well, maybe not the ultimate, but definitely ‘A’ guide…)
Going to university can be a daunting affair. There are so many new experiences to try, so many responsibilities to handle and so many parent-shocking debts to be accumulated. What you really need to help you through it all is a best friend to show you the ropes, hold your hand when it needs holding, and make sure you get to your lectures on time.
This series, unfortunately, isn’t that friend. This series, even more unfortunately, is more akin to the kind of mate who doesn’t get up ‘till half past two, nicks your food from the fridge and, when you’re both well wasted at some awful party you’ve just gate-crashed, convinces you that Baileys, cider and Worcestershire sauce IS a real cocktail.
Frankly, if you have even the slightest ambition to emerge from your time in ‘higher’ education with any kind of qualification whatsoever, it’s best you stop reading now. If, however, you insist on perusing the ‘wisdom’ contained in this highly disreputable series, then please note that I in no way accept any responsibility for the fact that you’ll get a crap qualification, that your parents will disown you, that your subsequent career will go nowhere and, in all probability, your future will end in an acrimonious (look, look, me learn new word…) divorce.
But all that lies way off in the future. For now keep watching this space for top tips such as Sell-by Dates, Throwing Parties, Brightening Up Your Room With Traffic Cones and The Seven Degrees of Inebriation…